Red and Black is Back
Three years after closing for business, the Red and Black Café will reopen this year with a May Day potluck. Fans of the Red and Black Café should know that the new location and its actual first day of business will be announced at the event. In observance of the holiday, guests are expected to “cook their own damn meals,” as well as, “bus their own damn tables and wash their own damn dishes.”
The event will include shouting grievances into the face of a life-sized likeness of Donald Trump (including life-sized tiny hands!), an open-mic concert, and the ceremonial destruction of a structure comprised of parking meters built to resemble two trees arched over the effigy of Mayor Ted Wheeler. This event is entitled the “Smashing of the Patriarchy.”
For directions to the potluck, guests should find their local Street Roots distributor and hand them money until they reveal the address. Red and Black Collective member John Langley advises,
“Mike on the corner of SW Stark and 12th has the best handle on where these types of events happen, but Humberto on the corner of SE 28th and Burnside, he’s more trustworthy than Mike, no matter what Mike says. If all else fails, bring a carton of smokes to Danica and she’ll tell you the location if you beat her in a chess match, which isn’t a proper anarchist game but, as she put it, ‘That shit ain’t [her] jam. No, Sir.’”
Langley also stated that the new business model will be reminiscent of the “New Portland/bougie DIY” model popping up in establishments throughout Portland. The menu will still be all vegan and the ingredients organic and locally sourced, however hungry guests will follow the established recipes within the sanctity of the safe space, after which collective members will then Yelp review each guests’ performances and attitudes.
On a final note, Langley added, “As always, down with capitalism and Fuck the Po-lice!”