All Juice is Brain Juice!

By Miriam Vonnahme|May 20, 2019The Porthole, Top Stories|

Have you ever wondered what the key to perfect health looks like? The fountain of eternal youth? Perhaps you imagined a mystical object un-described and unforeseen, or an amorphous glimmer of light. But really, it’s been sitting right in front of you all along, its essence stooping from low hanging trees. Its glory bottled up and poured over ice. Its power lining the walls of grocery stores all across the globe. It’s so pervasive and prevalent and yet so often ignored; all this time, its potential has just been waiting to be unlocked. The answer of course, is juice.

We all drink it. With breakfast or with gin. Humanity has been prodding around this incredible sorcery for so long, just falling short of harnessing the true power within. The truth, is that juice is all we need. Every substance blocking our bodies from processing juice and juice alone is the gatekeeper between our agony and our transcendence.

The first few days of your juice cleanse may feel pretty uncomfortable, but don’t fear. We call this a “healing crisis” the first sign that you’re making good progress is when your eyes appear to have shrunken deeper into your skull, if you find it difficult to do small tasks like screw off the lid to your juice bottle or lift a pencil, it means you’re really getting somewhere. Your friends and loved ones may begin to grow concerned about your seemingly masochistic behavior. When you first approach them about your juice cleanse with those glimmering saucer eyes and your Dewey skin, your friends probably thought, “wow, they may actually be on to something here” but once they start to perceive you as “mal-nourished” “weak” or “in need of hospitalization” their optimism will fade into pleas for you to “put an end to this nonsense” don’t let this kind of coercive behavior fool you. Your completely emaciated body is simply a means to a glorious end; one beyond their understanding, one where juice is supreme and the taste of citrus, kale, and raw earth has awoken all of your senses to the senselessness of this world.

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